You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
