I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
