I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
