Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize