Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i already hear my dad disowning me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
