Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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