college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
