i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
