I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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