brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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