Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
