Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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