I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
