Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
