So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
