I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
