so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
