Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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