Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
