Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You are a genius and a whore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize