i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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