That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
