i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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