dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
