The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize