I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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