Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
