Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
