hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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