went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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