I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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