Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
