Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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