Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
