I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
