im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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