can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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