But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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