You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize