A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
