There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize