i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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