My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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