someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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