I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
