apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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