Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
