I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
