A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
