is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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