Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
