Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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