the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize