I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize