If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
