If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
