We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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