If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
