Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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