I cockslap morals
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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