Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
