he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
