ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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