I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
