i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
