so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
