Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
