I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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