I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
