This is not my ceiling
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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