Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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