When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
