i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
