I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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