you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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