Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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