Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
