that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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