I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
