Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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