You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
