I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The power of my boobs compel you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
