I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
