And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
