those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
