college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
