He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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