When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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