I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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