There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
