If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize