Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
