I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
