I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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