it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
