I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we're making bets on your personal life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
