soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize