Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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