he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
