I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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