apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We have so much sex to catch up on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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