I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
