Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
