I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
