In America we eat man semen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
